appleofglass

Grams and lost clauses

appleofglass — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 06:31:05 +0000

Wow. It’s been quite the while. Almost two years to be exact. But for the first time sense, I finally feel like I can start writing again. I know it’s been quite awhile. And according to this site, I’ve lost over 50 of my followers. But to those who have hung on and waited, even if only by accident. Congratulations. I’m finally back :) Expect much appreciation and posts from now on.

appleofglass — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 09:19:08 +0000

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones

I will be writing a new novel starting this week using this as a guide. Mostly fiction, with a twist ;) expect updates~ ^.^

OCC

appleofglass — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 23:55:27 +0000

It’s shocking to feel the emotion off of someone who seems to be nothing less than “one of those people,”. Sitting here, seeing her, as I saw her last week, looking cold and bitchy. She hops on the piano, and starts playing what her soul feels, sings out all her pain, her distrust, all of her sorrow. And I’m almost moved to tears. Never judge someone based off of the music they play. Judge them off of the feeling they give to the music and the passion the portray. The feeling they feel. And the trust the bring themselves.

Time Forgets

appleofglass — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 06:57:41 +0000

I wish I could write. But every time I try to put ink to paper, I get this wall in front of me that nothing can break. So I climb, I climb and climb. Vigorously searching for a top, but just when I see it in sight, it’s all over. A quick gust of wind, and I’m back on the ground again. Staring up at this pinnacle of excitement. Climbing this wall is the most fun I’ve had in weeks… or should I say, the most entertaining. I look back, and it makes me think, maybe that’s why. The actual wall itself is not amusing. And the action of climbing it isn’t all that alluring either. In fact, it’s a huge pain. But still, it preoccupies my mind so I don’t have to be thinking about things that I’s rather not. So I climb and climb, hoping one day I’ll make it over the wall. Sometimes, I just sit at the bottom, put in some headphones to drown out the noise. And sit. Nothing in particular. No thoughts, no prayers. No friends, no places to be or things to go to. I have a habit of being a hermit. I haven’t come to the conclusion yet if it’s because I don’t like how much people aggravate me, or how much I love some of them nonetheless. But either way, I sit, and wait. Waiting of something entertaining to come along. A while ago some guys came and grabbed me and locked me up for a couple days. “Pending an investigation” is what they said. I was hoping that the lock-up would be entertaining. But it wasn’t. The entire time I longed for that wall, and the table and chair that sits beneath it. What I call home. The confines of my own mind. The only place I can be me without disappointing someone, or being told what I need to be. In the world as it is today, everyone always has places to go, and faces to be when they get there. Interchanging them along the path, hoping no one will cross them. A new face, a new place. That show they see it. So when I keep the same face, I’m looked down upon, and discouraged. I told my dad once that I don’t care what people think of me. And I meant it. I still feel that way today. Deep down somewhere behind that wall, I’m sure I care about what a few people say about me. But in general? I couldn’t care less. He told me that was wrong… In my mind, that means he feels I need to appeal to people as a whole. But I refuse to become a lemming just for a reason like that. I try my best to appeal to those I love, and even more to those who love me. That is, of course, if I feel anything for them in return. If I don’t, even though I feel I should, I do not have any drive to do so. So I sit at that wall. Waiting for the time when I grow wings I guess. Waiting for… Something?

Valid Disclaimer

appleofglass — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 06:30:21 +0000

I havent written anything for you guys in a long time, and i’d like to apologize for that. Due to issues with my laptop and lack of internet it’s been pretty difficult to post anything. But I have quite a few new ideas i’m putting together and pretending to edit, so plan on a post every week from now on, if not more often than that.

Motionless

appleofglass — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 06:21:11 +0000

The transverse designs of my uncoiled mind seem to flow transiently threw the abyss. Not knowing which void to fill, or how to even scratch the surface. The direction of “up” seems like a folk tale as though it even had an author from the olden days. The sketch seems endless. Motionless.

Guilt and Patience

appleofglass — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 04:12:47 +0000

The transcending theme of my untwisting mind seems to yield again. Throwing its clockwork out the bay window and assuming it can spawn new life on its own. Creating this unparalleled dimension to live in. Being at peace there, but putting a face on its original pedestal so those who venture near it will neither know if its absence, nor its guilt. There is however some who venture towards it, and look through the eyeholes of the mask and see its true soul hiding behind. But most just take a glance and remind themselves “not to get too close.” The true persona of what is behind the mask gives others a different thought at their meeting though. Not the thought of fear, but one of complete acceptance. The feeling that you’ve known someone your entire life and there are no gaps to fill? To have such a thing on first contact is truly remarkable. So it will wait, for that one who will have that total acceptance, to come and peek through those gateways and pull it thru. Slowly. Calming. Comforting along the way…

The past

appleofglass — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 04:02:05 +0000

You know that feeling you get, like you’ve left something running after you left home? Or the feeling that you’ve forgotten something that you need..? Well thats how I feel right now. I don’t know what is sparking these feelings, but that’s how it is. The undying need to just go out the door and run after someone. As if there’s someone about to leave, and there’s something I CAN do to stop them. But I can’t fulfill that wish.. So I sit here. Watch a movie, put headphones in, write. Not really expecting the feeling to go away. It’s a void that I can’t fill, and god has yet to show me the path to take to fill it. That or i’m already on it and he’s just not telling me. Either way, I don’t like this. It’s a feeling of guilt. I know that this feeling I have is because of something i’ve done. And I also know that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But forgetting it and moving on is what i can’t seem to grasp…

Feb 19, 2012

appleofglass — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 08:22:26 +0000

Beneath the chaos and confusion that you wear as a mask, too and fro, I’m sure there is some type of love for me under there. A look of compassion before it turns to fear.. Is that what love really is? No. That’s what a scared girl does when she finally starts to fall for someone that she doesn’t just want to fill an empty spot in her bed. A girl who’s been hurt more times than counting will allow. Physically… Mentally… Emotionally… It’s all the same now. But hurting him is unimaginable. Well, that’s what she thought. “I’ll cut it off now before it gets to serious,” She thinks to herself. “I’m sure that if he loves me he’ll still be there afterwards,” … After what? You see that is something I’ve never really understood throughout life. When someone says that, and truly means it. What do they actually mean? Do they really know? Or is it just something to say that will make the void of silence go away. Makes themselves feel better about what they are doing. “Peace of mind…” well… piece of my mind: “Selfishness.” I understand that people can be scared and want to run away from a relationship because they feel they’re not good enough for someone. But to believe that someone can run for two contradictory reasons… It’s too much for one person to handle. On one hand you say that you’re afraid that you’ll hurt them. But on the other you feel like their love won’t last. Both stories stemming from the fact that you think you’re not good enough… What does he have to do to prove that you are..? How does that work, you either look into the future and see love, or you don’t? Isn’t it that simple…? Because it always has been for me. And sometimes even though I don’t see love, I’ll do it anyways. Maybe it’s to feel better about myself. “Well I can’t be too over weight and unattractive if she wants to date me,” But in the end we always break up. Is it because I’m not good enough? Maybe. Is it because their overall feelings change? Could be. But the system still works the same. Once something is started, it always has to have an ending. The only difference is the trip you take to get there. And I believe that’s what love is: Making that trip, to the end of life, together. If you find someone that you feel you’re willing to drag to the grave with you. Through thick and thin, better or worse. Up’s and downs… But the problem I’ve always had, is that I treat all women the same… which leads to some feeling like I care about the a lot more than I really do. Making them develop feeling for me. Saying I’m “such a nice guy,” or to others, making it look like I’ll never be able to settle down into a serious relationship… and more even feel that I let my feelings for one girl take over the feelings I could have for someone else. But you see, what I’m looking for isn’t what I’m finding. That person that I can be different with.. Not someone else, but myself, even though I am myself around others. I’m looking for that trust someone can have with me, even though I know I’ll let them down. And allow me to love them, even though I know I’ll be let down… But when someone only fills one of those categories… or should I say half… I’m at a loss… It’s very difficult to love someone, who refuses to show feelings back to you. Especially when you know that they have them. It’s even more difficult when they show them some of the times, and then cover it up… And that’s the part of the wall that I’m at… The parts where I know she loves me, but is mad enough, or scared enough to hide it… It’s been almost 5 years now sense I fell for her, and about one and a half sense I actually admitted it to myself. And over all? Nothing has changed except bad memories for her, and good memories for me… When you fall in love with someone who always looks at the negative parts of things. When all it takes is one kiss for you to forget about everything they’ve done bad…. Life gets a lot more complicated than it should be…

First, last, only.

appleofglass — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 08:06:01 +0000

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there